Little Me, Big Me; Building Blocks to Self-Esteem

1. keep an affirmations jar: I once bought a huge plastic jar of animal crackers in the shape of a bear. Once it was empty, I took what felt like a kazillion pieces of paper and wrote little affirmations on them, sayings designed to lift me up and make me feel good. When I ran out of obvious things, I’d write even silly things like “You have nice toes.” When I needed help, I called friends and family members for brainstorming. Once I take out an affirmation each day, I fold it up, put it back, and shake the jar. That way I never run out. Try it. It really works. Especially on a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad” day.

2. stop trying to be perfect: It’s impossible. I’ve searched high and low, and I haven’t found a perfect person yet. Trying to do so, only messes with your self esteem and makes you feel bad. How about if we try to be the best we can, do the best we can with the information we have on any given day? Maybe we’ll feel much better about ourselves.

3. take care of yourself and how you look: When we get out of bed at nearly the same time every day, after getting enough rest, and we dress as well as we can, we generally feel better. If we’re women, that little touch of makeup never hurts, either. We’re not doing it for “them”, we’re doing it for ourselves, out of respect and love.

4. do something good for yourself every day: This may be one of the most important points on the list today. How many times do we make a to-do list in the morning, barely make it through  the list, and flop into bed at night totally wrung out? How about this? How about adding to the to-do list just one more thing? Wait, wait – before you kill me – add “do something good/fun for myself.” You get to determine what is for yourself, because every individual is different, but please add it. It can mak all the difference.

5. don’t take things too personally: When we take things too personally, our world becomes very small, and we walk around like one big bruise, don’t we? Come on, you know what I’m talking about.  Someone asks you if you got your hair cut and you say “No, why, does it look funny?” That’s taking something way too personally, AND assuming that’s what was meant by the comment.

6. don’t take things so seriously: When we look at this statement, we need to really think of ourselves as well as things. Don’t take ourselves so seriously. And – someone cuts us off in traffic? So they cut us off. Laugh off their impatience to get wherever they are going and be on our way. It makes us better for it.

7. practice looking up instead of looking down: Optimism goes a much longer way toward building self esteem than does pessimism. Looking on the brighter side of things, helps us to see ourselves in a brighter light as well.

8. act in ways that agree with your values: You know that niggling feeling you get in the back of your brain when you’re about to do something that doesn’t quite mesh with your core values? Maybe you don’t. And that’s great. Because if we act in ways that mesh with our core values, it always builds our self esteem. Maybe not right away, but certainly as an end result.

Beating Chronic Pain At Its Game

1. Think Positive: As often and as much as you are able, think positively. If your pain scale is down even slightly from a 10 to a 9, know that’s a positive thing. If you can walk a little farther on your own, feel less numbness on one side of your body than the other, these are all good and positive things. Hold tight to these moments and use them to fight the really tough days.

2. Positive and Supportive People: Try to completely surround yourself with positive and supportive people. You don’t need someone else who agrees with you about the direness of your situation, but who helps lift you out of it into a better place until you can get there yourself. Important: (as told to be by my wise-as-a-sage niece) If people give you a hard time about taking your medications for pain, simply don’t talk about it anymore, because they don’t understand pain management.

3. Laughter: Sometimes it’s not just a saying that laughter’s the best medicine. It may not be the very “best” tool for what pains you, but it certainly will help a lot. So put something funny in the DVD/VCR player and get ready to laugh.  Or read the funny papers section of the news. I guarantee you’ll find something to make you at least chuckle. Laughter not only releases those good old pleasure centers of our brains, but it’s good for our lungs.

4. Knitting: Knitting is one of my favorite things to do when I’m in pain . It forces me to concentrate just hard enough not to drop a stitch, but lets my mind wander to what I need to do later or tomorrow – and, guess what? I’m thinking about anything except the pain. If your pain is in your hands, you might try Audiobooks.com or books on tape. I’m sure there’s something comparable out there.

5.  Candles: If you like candles, when you’re in pain is especially the time to buy them. If you’re eco-friendly you can get the soy kind. They come in limited number of scents, and are a bit more expensive, but well worth it. Otherwise, there are a number of choices open to you everywhere, in all shapes and sizes. You might be searching for the most interesting-looking candle rather than the strongest-smelling candle. This is all about you. Your comfort. What turns you on. What heals you. What makes you happy. Go for it!

6. Hot baths or Showers: I know that when I’m in my most severe pain I can barely stand in a shower, so a good soak in the tub with my favorite bubble bath is just what I need. Maybe you are a strict shower person, and that’s your preference. Either way, heat seems to work wonders for painful muscles and joints, even if temporarily. And that might be all we need. Just for right now. Whatever gets us through the morning. Don’t let the pain win!

7. Journaling: Keep a journal for yourself during this time. Write what you are feeling. If it’s too painful to hold a pen, try typing; if that’s too hard, try dictating into a tape recorder. I know that my journal is so important to me, and without it I might never survive.

8. Trusting  your gut: I should append this to say trusting your doctor as well, as much as is humanly possible. You will get people coming out of the woodwork under the guise of “meaningful help”, all with conflicting ideas than your doctor has, many to take a much more conservative approach, and so forth. So it will behoove you to trust yourSELF first and a good – no, great – doctor, second.

Ways to Stage a Coup on the Post-Holiday Blues

1. Play with your toys: If you got electronic gadgets for your holiday, tinker with them. If it’s puzzles, solve them. Clothes, go out on the town and be seen. Books, read them. You get the picture. Don’t let your presents  sit and gather dust or that will surely contribute to the down feeling. A sure fire way to stretch the happiness a little further is to exlore our gains. If you didn’t get toys, then by all means this is the time to go out and buy yourself some.

2. Go for a walk: Whether you live on the sunny beaches of Sanibel Island, Florida or the snow-filled sidewalks of Buffalo, New York, dress appropriately and get yourself out there. If it’s just too cold or too plain hot, go to a mall and window shop as you walk. Movement gets our endorphins going, and that’s another not-so-subtle way of saying buh-bye to the blues.

3. Get a hobby: Maybe you already have a hobby or two, but chances are when the post-holiday blues hit, you’ll forget about them. Post-holiday blues hit hard and can leave just as quickly if we take assertive action with them. So dust off that stamp collection (or start one), surfing the internet, jigsaw puzzles, crossword puzzles, join a bowling league . . . there are limitless possibilities for us to become involved in different and intriguing activities.

4. Sing: It’s nearly impossible to be blue and sing, loudly (even if off-key), at the same time. So put on your favorite music and blast it out. If you’re too shy about being heard, then wait to try this one until you’re the only one home, or do it in the shower. (Who doesn’t sing in the shower?)

5.  Hang out with your friends: As much as you might feel like it, don’t turn down invitations to go out with your buddies. Besides that, if they should ask you out for coffee, and clothing was one of your holiday gifts, you’ll be doing two good things for yourself at once. Getting out, and showing off your new shiny toys; making this blah-ger very happy.

6. Learn an instrument: Myself, I fancy the piano, but perhaps I’m biased because I learned it as a child. But, I can guess what you might be thinking. Again with the music? According to Daniel Levitin, “music activates the same parts of the brain and causes the same neurochemical cocktail as a lot of other pleasurable activities like orgasms or eating chocolate . . . serotonin and dopamine are both involved.” So whether it’s the flute, violin, drums, piano, or harmonica, learn something to help make your life that much more enjoyable.

7. Learn a language: So maybe it’s not as easy for us adults to learn a new language as children, but we can still give it a good, healthy try. It’s really hard to focus on post-holiday blues when you are trying to learn to say “Have you seen my balls?” (As when on a tennis court.)

8. Be a mentor: When you bring the focus outside of yourself to someone else, you will be surprised at what happens. When you become another one’s world, that “one thing” for another child,  it will totally bring you  out of the black hole of the post-holiday blues. Try it. You don’t have to be wise. You just have to have a lot of love and a sense of humor.

Eight Ways to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

It’s the time of year again when many of us make promises or resolutions that we intend to keep for, well, the rest of the year.  Resolutions can seem overwhelming, but they can be so helpful for us in making good, healthful changes. In this entry we’ll look at some ways to “bullet-proof” them.

1) Write down your goals and resolutions. There is nothing so powerful as seeing our goal(s) in print, whether handwritten or typewritten.  It takes them from out of our heads and onto the paper, making them seem much more real and less easy to dismiss than if we let them stay lost in our minds.  Also, once it’s on paper, we can’t say, “I never said that!”

2) Visualize yourself being successful. As often as we can, we should close our eyes and see ourselves succeeding with these resolutions. For instance, if our resolution is to write and publish a book before the end of the year, we might visualize ourselves at a book signing. If our goal is to have a new job by the end of the year, we can visualize ourselves in our ideal job, succeeding in the job and very happy.

3) Make copies and put them in places you will see them. Repetition works. So when we’ve made our list of resolution(s), we ought then to make copies. Place them on the nightstand next to the bed, on the bathroom mirror, in the glovebox of the car, in our wallet. We should make enough copies so that we can’t help but think about them wherever we are.

4) Tell all the people you trust to help you with your goals. It’s important to tell people you trust about your resolutions. They are the people you know will not mock you or tell you “get over it” when you are feeling weak. These are the people you know will take you seriously and want you to succeed as much as you do. Don’t pick just anyone to help you. Think about it carefully.

5) ASK for help when you need it. Toughing it out does not make you brave, it more or less makes you desperate.  And the more desperate you are, the less likely you are to make it through the difficult times with your resolutions. So ask for help when you need it. Contrary to what some may think, asking for help means you know your strengths and weaknesses. It means you are smart.  Do the smart thing.

6) Reward yourself for small victories. We’re not talking about a new car here, or a trip to the Cayman Islands, but – let’s take the resolution of quitting smoking. Let’s further say that you have gone an entire month without cigarettes, or whatever your form of tobacco preference was.  This definitely calls for a celebration.  So you should buy yourself that new book or cd or treat yourself and your resolution buddy to lunch.  Small prizes for small victories; and larger prizes for larger victories. If it sounds a little bit like behavior modification, that’s because that’s exactly what it is.  If it works, why not use it? Don’t let psychological terms stop you from succeeding.

7) Write down a list of how you will feel after you meet your goals as motivation. Taking again the example of quitting smoking, let’s make a list right now. We might breathe easier, walk up steps easier, feel more welcome at parties, not have to worry about looking for restaurants with smoking sections, not have to smoke outside in the freezing cold in the winter, we’ll feel more in control, our breath won’t smell, our hair and clothes won’t smell . . . and those are just a few. Depending on the resolution, we can usually easily find several ways we will feel differently in a good way after we have met it.

8.) When you need motivation, read that list! Any time we start to feel down or lost or not sure we can go one further step, we should pull out that list we made in number seven.  The specific ways we will feel better can go a long way in motivating us to keep on keeping on.  Don’t give up.

Happy Holidays!

Columns for this blog will begin after Thursday, January 1, 2009.

I wish you the gentlest and happiest of holidays.